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The Story of a Dildoe

The Story of a Dildoe



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Tableau I



Madison Square is a fashionable locality in New York, attractive in its architecture, its position and its inhabitants – well to do merchants, cotton brokers, railway contractors and bankers lived there, and there their fashionable wives and daughters gave receptions, and held parties that were the talk of New York society.

The belle of Madison Square was Flora McPherson. She has been celebrated in song, for it was “Flora McPherson of Madison Square that made three separate journeys to Paris” in search of novelties when she had “nothing to wear” – that is, nothing that was not perfectly fresh within the last fortnight. But this history deals with events in the life of Flora before she made the celebrated journey spoken of.

As yet she was but seventeen – plump, fair, rosy, with a wonderful fund of spirits, quick at repartee, and altogether what the Yankees call a “smart gal.”

Flora’s father was from a Scotch family, and the acuteness he inherited had enabled him to take advantage of numerous lucky chances in the way of railway work, the result of the combined skill and luck being – a fortune.

Flora was his only child. Her mother, a woman devoted to fashion and not companionable to him, so that Flora was indeed her dad’s idol, and all that money could purchase her she had. Her private purse was always well replenished, and she was in many respects a girl to be envied.

Of course a young lady with such considerable personal attractions and with such an ample stock of dollars in prospective was not without admirers, but as yet no aspiring young gentleman had made any impression upon her. She was heart-whole, and though fond of society, at every gathering she seemed to take more pleasure in the society of her young lady friends than in that of any gentleman who hung over her chair and poured his vapid small talk into her ear.

Her two close companions were Laura Addison and Maud Tromp.

Laura was the youngest daughter of a cotton broker, a charming girl about Flora’s age, but dark, warm and impulsive, a good heart and a genial temper, and with Southern blood in her veins that made her passionate and daring.

Maud was of a German family, quiet, subdued, lymphatic, dreamy and poetical; but her quiet eyes shewed a nature you could put firm trust in, and anybody who secured the affection of Maud Tromp would have a friend steadfast and true.

Maud was older than the other two, and was “engaged,” but her lover held an important position in a mercantile house, and was now in Europe for a year or two on business, so that for consolation during his absence Maud was much in the society of the two girls.

It was a quiet autumn evening when the three sat together in Flora’s boudoir. They had not been discussing Shakespeare and the musical glasses, but a theme more interesting to all women – Love.

Flora and Laura had been congratulating Maud on the approaching return af her fiancee, to be followed soon by her marriage – a prospect that poor timid Maud seemed to dread.

“So you wish that courtship could go on for ever, do you?” said Flora. “Well, poor girl, it is rather rough on you to have a slice of two years take out of a pleasant courtship, and then on Henry’s return – before you have got used to him again – to be hurried into all the abruptness and reality of matrimony. Still Maud, my dear, realization, in spite of metaphysics, must be better than anticipation. I know my dinner itself is better than the pleasure of expecting it; and it would take some powerful argument to convince me that a husband we can love is not better than a lover we can ditto. What do you say, Laura?”.

“Oh, I am with you, my love, by all means,” replied Laura. “For my part, I quite envy Maud her good fortune. Henry is a fine, manly fellow, and I’m sure he loves her, and his two years in Europe has no doubt improved him, if that were possible. I anticipate for her a very happy life.”

“Oh, you quite mistake me if you think I have any dread or doubt about my future,” said Maud earnestly; “it is the actual plunge itself that I dread. I don’t pretend to any more modesty than any other girl; but I regard with positive horror the idea or – of – well I suppose I need not be afraid of my own sex – of a man knowing all about me. Fancy, now, feeling a man – a naked man – getting into bed with one! Ugh!” and Maud positively gave a shudder.

“Ha! ha!” laughed quick, impulsive Laura. “Why, my dear child, you shudder at what most women look forward to with supreme delight; and as for getting into bed with you, if I am any judge of Henry’s disposition, it strikes me he will get into more than that. Oh! there now, I beg your pardon (and she blushingly put her hand before her face), I didn’t mean to say that, but the thought came and it slipped out.”

Maud blushed, and Flora could not help laughing, “Well Maud,” said Flora, “I can sympathize with you to some extent, but only to a limited extent, for my part the shock my modesty will receive from the presence, or even the contact of my husband, will, I feel certain, be less than what I shall suffer from what I call the indecent exhibition of a wedding. In the privacy of one’s own chamber, with only one’s husband to see your blushes, I think there is nothing but what one can get over, but I think it is something awful to be dressed up for an occasion, and starred at by a lot of people who know perfectly well, even down to the youngest boy or girl, what it is all for, and what you are going to be done to.”

“Yes,” said Laura, “I have often thought of that. Why, when I was only eleven years old I was bridesmaid to Mary Parker, and as we came out of church the remarks made by the low boys shewed they all knew what it meant, it was something awful; why one boy positively called out,Oh, my eye. there’s another shop going to be opened tonight.’ And when the coachman drove the carriage up he didn’t come close enough to the kerb, one man said, ‘Now coachman, come up, the young lady can’t stretch her leg out all that way’, and then a nasty rough fellow says, ‘Oh never fear, she’ll stretch more than that if he’s up to his work by and bye.’ Oh, my dear, I thought poor Mary would have fainted. Yes, a wedding is all very well for the dresses and all that, but it has its dark side as well.”

“Now, to tell you the truth,” said Flora, “and I shall, since we are on the topic, speak without reserve, that remark the man made about – well, about stretching – was rude but apropos; and it sets me thinking whether after all the embrace of a husband is such a desirable thing. I know I once heard mama, when she little thought I was listening, tell a lady about the remark a young lady made who was congratulated on her wedding day. I did not quite catch the words, but I know the idea was that it was a fine thing to be congratulated upon, to be torn all to pieces the first night! Now I can’t help thinking that the actual pain inflicted must be awful, and not worth the pleasure they say comes after it.”

“I cannot give any opinion,” said Laura, “about a first embrace and the pain it entails; but from an accident I can give an idea of the pleasure. Oh, you need not look so; I don’t mean in my own experience. But when I was down South on a visit to Uncle Morris’s plantation I got overtaken one night by a storm and crept into one of the sugar-houses for shelter, and there I fell asleep in a corner. When I woke I found I was not alone, for a smart young white man was there – one of the overseers – and a young woman – a quadroon – pretty, lithe and active. They were talking earnestly together and I listened, at first thinking some plot was on, for the slaves were in a dangerous state just then. I found, however, that it was only a love scene I was doomed to be present at, and oh, my dear girls, I shall never forget it. After a lot of kissing and toying, the young man – Tony Barker I found was bis name- got her on to a lot of sugar bags that made a capital kind of bed, in a corner, and being thrown on a pile of canes was like a state bed and gave me a full view of the whole proceeding.”

Flora and Maud drew their chairs eagerly up to Laura and in one breath exclaimed.

“Oh, tell us all about it.”

“Well, then, in perfect confidence I will. After kissing and playing, Tony, for, I learned to call him that, took out his dilly.”

“Oh, don’t be so stupid,” said Flora, “as to call it a dilly, that is only what they say in the nursery about a little boy. Surely you know some more manly name for a full grown man’s –”

“What?” said Laura laughing. “Why, you hesitate yourself before naming it. However, if it will please you I will call it by its proper name, and in these days of women doctors there can’t be any harm in that.

“Well, he took out his penis and put it into her hand, and oh! it was a tremendous fellow. I couldn’t take my eyes off it, although the sight made me burn with blushes. A great staring, stiff thing with an immense red head, enough to frighten anybody. However, Juno, the dark girl, was not a bit afraid of it; she fondled and caressed it and actually kissed it. Then she laid back, and he lifted up her clothes, and certainly I never saw straighter or handsomer limbs than were displayed. Well, he got over her and in a moment inserted his pegoe.”

“Oh,” said Flora, “I’ve caught you. There’s another name for it, and a name I once saw in a bad book. Oh, Laura, you have read the book too, or one like it.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, I have read one or two,” said Laura, “for I got at my brother Tom’s box one day, hunting for a trinket I thought he had stolen from me in fun, and there I found one or two books. However don’t spoil my story. Well, when he got in she gave a slight scream, perhaps of a little pain, but in a minute it was changed, I am sure, to pleasure; for as he pushed in and out she kept exclaiming, ‘Oh! oh! Oh, I shall die! Oh, you will kill me with pleasure!’ And at last, as he shot into her his sperm, she clutched him in ecstacy and fainted with delight. I could hardly contain myself, and I felt a most extraordinary sensation in my drawers from sympathy.”

During Laura’s narrative the colour of the other two girls came and went, and their countenances and nervous twitching of their lips shewed the story excited them.

“Oh, I wish,” said Flora, “that it were possible to taste such pleasures without the danger and the wickedness of a man.”

“Well, so it is,” said Laura, “if you are bold enough; perhaps not the real thing, but at any rate an excellent substitute, as they say of marmalade.”

“Oh, whatever can you mean?” said Maud.

“Well, my dears,” said Laura, “you must know that when I read this book (by-the-bye, Flora, you must tell me where you saw a bad book, as you call it) I found at the end an advertisement of an instrument called a dildoe.”

“Oh, yes, I have heard of it,” said Flora.

“Well, I have in fact the advertisement in my purse. I will read it to you,” and she read as follows

* * *


The grand disideratum accomplished by the Patentee, is the substitution of india rubber for the shaft of this article, instead of ivory, horn, wood, silver, wax, or porcelain, heretofore used, none of which substances could resemble the real thing in effect, however beautiful they might be shaped and painted.

The india rubber shaft, when dipped in warm water to bring it to blood heat, is sufficiently soft and elastic so tittilate the female seat of pleasure, without excoriating the vagina, or injuring the mouth of the uterus.

The most complete article is made with a stomacher, in order that one female may fix it firmly on herself so as to operate upon another female. In this case, the ball, or scrotum, is placed between the thighs of the operator, close under her notch, and her mons veneris” is entirely concealed by the stomacher. The upper strings are passed round her waist, and tied in front; and the under strings round the thick part of the thighs, and tied behind. In this manner the machine will remain firm and effective throughout the “soft encounter;” and when the receiving female is wrought to that delightful pitch of burning ecstasy that she requires the balmy shower of love to consummate her bliss, she has only to say now!”

The operator can instantly produce the exhilarating injection by nipping the scrotum with her thighs, because the ball being previously charged with a moisture of cream and gelatine, only requires a slight pressure to produce in the thirsty gap that thrilling sensation so much desired in the critical moment. If the receiver is a glutton, she may be inundated with the emission, and hence the superiority of art over nature, which caused a lady to exclaim that a dildoe was better than a prick, because she could make it spend when she pleased.

This noble instrument may justly be entitled the Maid’s Safe – guard, the Widow’s comfort, and the Wife’s Consolation.

It will cure the virgin of the green sickness without the risk of impregnation.

It will comfort the widow until she can make a suitable match.

And it will be found a never failing source of consolation to those married ladies whose husbands are impotent through age or debauchery.

Many elderly gentlemen, whose affairs have shrunk into their bellies, are in the habit of strapping these instruments on in order to administer due benevolence to aged partners of their beds, because it is well known that a woman is never too old to relish enjoyment, although age incapacitates the male from performing the operation.

Directions for use. – Put a little soap and water into a jug, or cream and gelatine, then take the article and dip its head in, pressing the ball with the thumb, when it will immediately fill. Before using put a lather of soap and water on the head; after using, squeeze out the contents, and hang it up to dry with the head downwards. Use the water tolerably warm, and take care not to put pomatum or grease of any kind upon it, as it softens it too much, and causes it to assume a white colour, which cannot be got out.

N. B. –These pleasing instruments (with directions for use) can be obtained at all booksellers who deal in facetious works, and also at some of the first-rate houses of accommodation. A couple day’s notice is required, also a deposit of ten shillings, which will be allowed in the purchase.

* * *

“Now if you are bold enough to get one I’m sure it will afford a considerable amount of excitement and pleasure, and cannot have any danger; and whoever obtains it can after operating tell the others how she likes it; and as it can be mutually used it may afford us pleasure all round. I confess I should have got one before now if I had known how to go about it. Now girls who’ll bell the cat?”

“Not I for the world,” said timid Maud, “I should faint at the idea of asking even a woman for one, and I suppose it is some horrid man that makes and sells them.”

“Well,” said Flora, “I will undertake the commission – easier to me for two or three reasons. In the first place, it is perhaps expensive, and I am richer than you girls and can well afford its purchase; and in the second place my milliner, I am sure, can get it for me without trouble, for many times her conversation and hints have been of a very bold character, and I’m sure she knows where anything of the sort can be got. It was her that shewed me the book I spoke of, which she pretended she had picked up, but which I know was only shewed to induce me to purchase more. – Perhaps I should have done so, only we went to Saratoga, and I saw little of her. However, I will get it. and I promise you that I won’t even unpack it – great as my curiosity may be – until we meet here again on Wednesday evening, only two days from now, so girls, let’s say no more about it until then.”

Soon after this the two young ladies departed, I don’t know what Maud and Laura thought of it, but a writer is privileged to know even the thoughts of his heroine.

When Flora undressed that night she stood in front of the glass and admired the beauties of her person, the ripe smiling lips, the glossy hair, her white and heaving bosoms-those globes as yet unconquered, and then as the thought of the dildoe came into her head she lifted up her robe and looked at the seat of the experiment. A moss rose was not a more charming spectacle than that virgin fanny – a soft down surrounded a pink cleft, the pretty little tip of the clitoris peeping out and pouting as if to tempt a kiss.

“I wonder if it will hurt me?” said Flora, and she inserted the tip of her finger in her moist crack.

“Well, at any rate I will try it,” and with that resolve she got into bed.

In her sleep Flora dreamt of nothing but salacious pleasures. Dildoes red and eager surrounded her, they pressed on her bosom, they looked in her eyes, they tasted the moisture of her sweet cunt; nay more, she dreamed that one – the largest, the most eager – entered her virgin fortress and rammed his head right home.

“Ha, ho, oh,” sighed the girl in her sleep, and as she felt the acme of pleasure she woke to find her fingers moist and clammy with the juice of love, her fanny hot, but bathed in a delicious dew.

Unconsciously Flora had frigged herself in her sleep, but the feeling she experienced in the act was so delicious that more than ever she resolved to get the dildoe.


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